I first met her two years ago. We were in the same writing class. My first impression of her was, “here comes another senior in a sophomore class”. She didn’t stand out much, she was just your typical older student who retook a class in hopes to get a better grade. I gotta admit that, among the other seniors in my class, she was the nicest. She was the kind of person that naturally blended in with the rest of the people. I almost forgot we were in the different year altogether. She also had this unique laugh sound which I’d became quite fond of.
Every time we met, I’d always try to make her laugh by any mean possible. I even tickled her one time. She was diligent too. Even though she didn’t contribute any interesting idea when we were doing a group writing, she was always the first person who showed up at the group meeting. I gradually felt some sort of affection for her. However, I was too much of a coward back then.
Two years later, with a bit of luck, I dated her. It was the sweetest moment of my life. I felt like, “hey, I go out with the girl I had a crush on for a long time, I don’t need anything else”. I was a champion. I was the man who single-handedly beat his own fear of being rejected by a girl he liked.
The first two months were paradise. She was everything I hoped a girlfriend would be. She encouraged me to finish my long-abandoned thesis. She even convinced me to get back to my PPL project that I had lost faith in. Everything she did was intended to make me a better person, I had never met somebody as considerate and caring as she was.
However, like everything else in the world, she also had a bad side of her own. She couldn’t take a slightly intense debate. There was one time when I was just trying to exchange thoughts with her which, much to my surprise, she didn’t take really well. A supposedly fun discussion turned into a horrible cursing fiesta. It was a nightmare. We began saying hurtful things to each other like a couple of uneducated schmucks. At some point in our relationship, she treated me like I couldn’t do anything right on my own. I started to have this impression of her wanting to take control of me. It made me lose control of myself a couple of times, which I still regret, and made her cry.
Last night was the worst of all. She accused me of having affection toward a guy. This senseless accusation was based on several pictures of my best friends that she found on my phone gallery. Believe me, I didn’t even have the faintest clue of how those pictures got into my phone. Being apprehended for something I was not, I lost control of myself once again. We got into a brawl. Yes, a brawl. Our fight had gone physical. She even tried to stab me with a scissor. I was afraid. I somehow managed to calm her down and regain her consciousness. She then apologised for the crazy thing she did to me, but that was it. I couldn’t stand it any longer.
Even though I still have a shred of love for her, I decided we were better off as friends. We had hurt each other way too much and if our countless fights taught us anything, it was we were never meant for each other.
I am not a good person myself. I am too immature, too emotional, and way too self-righteous. Those are probably the reason why we quarrel so often. She deserves someone better. Someone who is more mature, less emotional, and less self-righteous.